The Trouble with Expectations - Part One
Expectations are real and we can’t help but have them. Expectations aren’t bad or anything to be ashamed of. However, we do need tools to effectively manage and keep them in check or they can take us down a path of constant disappointment.
“We need tools to effectively manage and keep our expectations in check or they can take us down a path of constant disappointment.”
There is so much to consider about expectations, and it may take a couple of posts to address. Let’s talk first about our human relationships. Successfully navigating through life includes establishing and maintaining realistic expectations. Expectations are natural; we have expectations of ourselves and others in the workplace and expectations when we go to the bank, the store, etc. The key is how we manage those expectations. This is generally something we do not do very well. We want what we want, when and how we want it, and expect others to rise to our expectations.
“We want what we want, when and how we want it, and expect others to rise to our expectations.”
Again, it is important to note there is nothing inherently wrong with expectations, the problem arises when expectations are not met. How we respond says a lot about our mental and emotional state in the moment. Take some time to ask yourselves the following questions:
Are my expectations reasonable (how would I respond to this expectation)?
What is my motivation behind this expectation?
Am I looking for my spouse to meet a need or a want?
Is there something in me at this moment, leading me to intentionally avoid meeting an expectation?
Realizing it is impossible for others to consistently meet our expectations as well as our ability to meet theirs is the first step to effective expectation management. We know we are encouraged not to make major decisions when we are emotionally or physically drained. During those times, it is difficult for us to function as we would when in more peak condition. The same goes for expectations; when we are down, it is easy to blame others or neglect them as we struggle with our situation. If you are currently experiencing challenges (addiction, betrayal, loss of trust, etc.) in a relationship, it may be that your expectations, for a time, need to be adjusted in relation to your partner’s capacity to meet your expectations. This can prevent adding further hurt and bitterness to an already difficult time.
“The same goes for expectations; when we are down, it is easy to blame others or neglect them as we struggle with our situation.”
Are you in a place where you seem to be continually disappointed in yourself and/or others? Do you find yourself getting frustrated because others don’t feel your sense of urgency or passion about something? Maybe it’s time to reconsider your expectations. Step back and really look at what is bothering you the most in a given situation. Have you unintentionally set false or unrealistic expectations?
“Step back and really look at what is bothering you the most in a given situation. “
If you would like to talk through some of these issues or find out how you can better manage your expectations, please reach out to us at Vision Forward. We would love to walk with you on your journey.
